L I E S […Heath V.12…]

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This is the area where I can bitch about movies, CD’s, art, restaurants and even review the odd person. I will basically give each article a rating out of 1 to 1000 and a what’s hot and not according to the conquistador of the reviews, being of course my self…any discrepancies and or objections to my ratings will be ignored, for I am purveyor of the knowledge in which to tell you all that grand, and all the shit in this world! There will possibly be spoilers to movies ahead, and if you don’t like it, I suggest u find a dildo and shove it up your arse, because I don’t care =)!

Once Upon a Time in Mexico
Director - Robert Rodriguez (M15+)
"Once Upon a Time in Mexico" is third episode in Rodriguez's "Mariachi" trilogy, which began with the zero-budget action film "El Mariachi." It continued with the more expensive "Desperado," in which Antonio Banderas assumed the role of the homosexual "El Mariachi" (a fag that likes to play with his guitar before killing). And now, the trilogy is obviously intended to go out with one gay ending, with an even gayer story line.
There were a number of things I enjoyed in this movie, the relentless killing for no purpose but shear eye candy to the gore seeker, the obvious sexy Salma Hayek, who played Carolina, but unfortunately only appears in random scenes where the “Mariachi” is having flashbacks of her death. There is also the dry and amusing humour of the splendid Johnny Depp, who plays the bad ass CIA agent named Sands. And of course I have to reaffirm the shooting of random people and the artistry of killing and pain.
There is how ever a down side to this movie…the simple fact that it’s story line sounds like it was written by cigar smoking monkey’s in Mexico, who watch too many Banderas movies, and want to kill their captors. Understandable if this was in fact so, but Robert Rodriguez saved a lot of money to pay for the actors (Johnny Depp being pretty much the only expense of the movie) by writing, directing, editing, photographing, production designed + music composition, visual effects supervising and finally producing, all by Rodriguez (someone loves them selves!). This poor poor excuse of a movie has only one draw card; being the need for on screen blood in many adolescent males. He might as well have just gone and hired some prostitutes, gone to an abattoir, and filmed a large lesbian orgy, whilst cows were being killed in the background, instead of trying to make a filthy filthy movie of such poor calibre such as this, I'm sure more people would buy tickets to that than this trash.
Rating: 268 (out of 1000)
Hot/Not?: Not

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